Daughter & Smoking: Stories & Insights From Parents
Is the act of smoking, especially when shared between a mother and daughter, simply a personal choice, or does it carry deeper implications, societal influences, and potential health consequences? The prevalence of smoking within families, particularly across generations, presents a complex tapestry of behaviors, choices, and repercussions that demand thoughtful consideration.
Denise Kandel, a Columbia University professor of sociomedical sciences, and her colleagues at Columbia and the New York State Psychiatric Institute, delved into these very issues using a national survey on drug use and health. Their research, along with countless personal narratives, illuminates the intricacies of this often-overlooked familial dynamic.
The shadows of smoking often stretch long, casting their darkness across generations. One individual shared, "Our mom died of lung cancer in 1977, and we were told that her cancer was definitely cigarette smoking related, with the menthols in particular." This poignant reflection underscores the devastating impact of smoking, a reality faced by countless families. The same individual, as a tribute to their mother, made the difficult decision to quit smoking shortly after her death, a testament to the enduring power of familial love and the desire to break free from the cycle of harm. Sadly, the family was further touched by the cruel realities of lung cancer, losing a sister, Donna, in 1990, and another, Phyllis, in 2009. The stark reality of these losses serves as a powerful reminder of the deadly consequences of tobacco use.
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| Topic | Details |
|---|---|
| Focus of the Article | The interplay between smoking and familial relationships, particularly between mothers and daughters. |
| Key Themes | Intergenerational smoking patterns, the influence of parental behavior, the emotional and health consequences of smoking, and the challenges of addressing smoking within families. |
| Notable Figures | Denise Kandel (Columbia University professor), Amanda (smoker who quit), Tiffany (smoker who quit for her daughter), Natasha Small (former community college teacher). |
| Recurring Issues |
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| Potential Solutions & Strategies | Quitting smoking, open communication, seeking support, education, setting a positive example, seeking professional help for both parents and children. |
Consider the poignant story of a young woman who, observing her own mother and sister, acknowledges, "She's young and she smokes." This observation reflects a broader trend, where young people, influenced by societal pressures and familial patterns, often adopt smoking habits. It's a trend that crosses socio-economic boundaries, influencing individuals in all walks of life, and is something that deserves greater attention.
One parent, acknowledging their daughter's smoking, confessed, "I violated her privacy, but I feel being nosy is the only way to know the truth on my daughter." This reveals the complexity of parenting when confronted with smoking. It is a tightrope walk between respecting a child's autonomy and fulfilling a parent's responsibility to protect their well-being. The desire to safeguard their child, coupled with the desperation to find the truth, shows how difficult it is to navigate these situations.
In other situations, smoking becomes a shared experience. "Smoking with the parents was his older daughter's idea," one individual says, highlighting the influence parents can have on their children's habits. The parent's initial reluctance, softened by the daughter's desire, reveals how peer pressure can affect family dynamics, even within the closest relationships. "His wife was neutral on the subject, and he was at first reluctant, but he agreed because his daughter seemed to think it would." The mother's neutral stance and the father's eventual agreement underscores the complicated dynamics within families.
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The emotional toll of smoking is particularly evident in the experiences of mothers, such as Amanda. "I feel a tremendous amount of guilt for my daughter being born early," she reveals, acknowledging a link between her smoking and her daughter's premature birth. I knew that smoking was bad I didnt think it would happen to me. I didnt think I would have a premature baby. I didnt think my child would have asthma. The regret and the self-blame felt by Amanda highlights the powerful emotions that surround smoking and motherhood, and the lasting impact it can have on both mother and child. To cope, Amanda focused on ways to relieve stress, a strategy that many smokers find helpful as they attempt to quit.
The undeniable health risks of smoking are repeatedly brought to light in the stories of many, reiterating what many adults know. "As adults, we know that smoking is a bad habit. We know that smoking can cause a plethora of health issues and diseases," one individual states, echoing a universal understanding. "Cigarettes can cause several cancers, lung disease, emphysema, heart disease, diabetes, and many more serious illnesses." These statements serve as a blunt reminder of the destructive nature of smoking, and the need for preventative measures.
The cycle of smoking can become even more intertwined when it is shared between a mother and daughter. "My daughter and I started smoking together," one individual reveals, highlighting a pattern where smoking becomes a shared experience. This demonstrates how easily smoking habits can be passed down, and demonstrates the need to promote family conversations about smoking.
Despite the negative connotations, some find a different narrative, like the person who said, "I heard of this site and thought I would post my positive experience to something that is thought of as negative." This willingness to share experiences showcases the diversity of views on this topic, where smoking can be a source of camaraderie and acceptance.
There are often additional challenges. "My daughter was blessed with above average intelligence. This resulted in her becoming very bored in school." The daughter's boredom in school may have contributed to her desire to seek alternative activities, potentially smoking. Other factors, like a parent's own smoking habits, also have a huge effect. "My dad smoked 80 a day, but I knew that if he caught me smoking my life would be hell." This illustrates the fear and hypocrisy that can be present when a parent smokes, and the impact it can have on a child. Moreover, the hypocrisy that can be created when a parent smokes is evident in many other situations. "Just because you smoke doesnt mean you give up the responsibility to stop your child from doing it."
A parent's behavior can have a direct and substantial effect on a child's behavior. "My daughter started smoking pretty early, stealing cigarettes from me," a parent says. This emphasizes the importance of responsible behaviors. This parent's approach, described as allowing the habit to continue, shows how complex it can be to address these issues. "Throughout her teens I allowed her to smoke and even provided cigarettes to her. I thought that fighting her habit would be both kind of hypocritical of me (since I was also a smoker) as well as pointless (since she'd probably find a way to steal my cigarettes anyway)."
Childhood memories offer a unique glimpse into the factors that drive an individual's smoking habits. "There are dozens of things that come to mind when someone asks me about my childhood," one individual shares. This demonstrates how the complexities of childhood experiences can influence an individual's perspective on smoking and health. And the consequences of smoking are plain to see. "I know that sometimes you see some pretty pathetic patients smoking outside hospitals with their drips and their oxygen tanks. You might take her to look at them. You might even be able to get some of them to tell your daughter what they think about smoking." These images, and the testimonies from people with serious illnesses, may have a substantial effect.
A concerned parent wrote, "Be easy on me as I have been having a nightmare with my 11-year-old daughter since November when I first caught her smoking." This story reveals the worry and confusion that parents experience when confronted with their children's smoking habits. The same individual sought support through online forums, reflecting the challenges of parenting in the digital age.
The pervasiveness of smoking among teenagers is something parents deal with regularly. "Smoking is a common habit among teenagers, and it is not uncommon for parents to find their children showing an interest in smoking." It is crucial to understand why a child chooses to smoke. "When a daughter expresses a desire to start smoking, it can be a cause for concern for parents. It is essential to understand why your daughter wants to smoke and how to address this issue." By understanding the reasons behind this desire, parents can offer guidance and support.
Even simple daily routines can trigger a parent's worries, one individual states "I woke her up this morning and then went down to finish getting the breakfast ready." This shows how simple routines can be disrupted when a child's smoking habits are discovered. The story of Sarah and her mother, who began smoking in 2000, brings to light how smoking can affect a family's relationship. "Sarah and her mother in 2000, the year Sarah took up smoking my mom had a symbiotic relationship with cigarettes."
This topic also brings to light the questions people can have. "Fast tag search for mom and daughter." It demonstrates how people are looking for information, and the power of search engines.
The concept that smoking can be shared is expressed in these situations. "Its the same with smoking." Understanding the complexity of this pattern is an important step. Also, many parents have found strategies that work for them. "When my children entered their teens I told them that if they wanted to experiment with." This demonstrates the importance of proactive conversations and clear expectations, and is a key way that a parent can help their child.
| Individual | Details |
|---|---|
| Tiffany |
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| Natasha Small |
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Tiffany's experience reflects a familiar narrative. "Tiffanys motivation to quit was wanting to be around for her own daughter." Witnessing suffering has a strong effect. Watching her suffer was awful, she says. This emotion is compounded by fear. I felt alone and scared. Despite these emotions, she did not stop smoking. But she did start smoking in her late teens, which shows how prevalent smoking can be. A lot of kids I went to school with were smoking, and I wanted to fit in, she remembers, an experience that many share.
Natasha Small, a former community college teacher in Maryland, also offers unique perspectives. She and her husband, married for 33 years, have raised two daughters. When discussing these experiences, she reveals "Of 'where theres smoke,' Natasha says." Her insights provide a fresh perspective.
The acceptance of smoking in the past is evident in many stories. One person recalls, "When my dad gave me a Zippo for my 15th birthday all he said, thought you might like it." This casual attitude highlights the shift in societal norms regarding smoking, and the casual attitude. The surprise of the parents reflects how habits are not always obvious. "Until that day I thought my parents didnt know I smoked. No hassle at all, when I asked them later why they were so relaxed about both mine and my brother's smoking, dad said he never thought what if they start smoking but wondered when we would start smoking."
Even a nightmare can be a window into a family's troubles, one individual shares "Be easy on me as I have been having a nightmare with my 11-year-old daughter since November when I first caught her smoking. Posted on parenting a few weeks ago but did not really get any answers. I have stopped her allowance and took away her ds lite, grounded her, took away her phone, mp3 player, tv and all I have achieved is to drive a wedge." These methods can backfire, leading to frustration and a lack of connection.
The challenges of the postpartum phase can influence a mother's health, as well as her baby. "Baby blues is a column about raising my daughter in the windstorm of postpartum depression. Though discussing the dark spots of postpartum depression, I also when I first started smoking."
Even in popular culture, the topic of smoking and family is present. "In telling these stories, Ted also lets slip the smoking histories of a few other people Benjamin Koldyke and Cobie Smulders in how I met your mother ( 2005)." It highlights the subtle ways smoking is embedded in our culture. The simple statement "Mother lets daughter smoke cigarettes" also brings up an important issue. Finally, a look at the resources available is clear. "Smokingstories.net smoking stories by subject, smoking stories by date, smoking fetish stories, double pump smoke, smoking from all sides." These resources are available to people across the world.
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